There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
