toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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