Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Terrible idea I love it
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
