Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
