I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
