Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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