SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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