Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Randomize
