I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
