First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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