im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
