good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Panties = found
Randomize
