I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
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