My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
