my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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