This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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