Your tits are I can't wait for
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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