Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
