idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
You're like the curious george of whores
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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