3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I am available for nakedness
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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