you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
