As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
