my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
