Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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