So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
