): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I love having hate sex.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Randomize
