Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
