so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
