I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
