...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
