3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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