Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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