I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
