she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
