I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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