you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
