He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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