your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
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