does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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