This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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