there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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