i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
