yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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