dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
