I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
