So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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