he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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