Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Rumble strips road head = magical
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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