I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
