Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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