You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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