We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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