Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
