If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
