And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
