Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
