Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
