I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Randomize
