Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
